The woman who was too stunned to speak
It's me. I am the woman.
Black Women Get to Be, the newsletter and podcast, was created by Qubilah Huddleston and is driven by connection and community. If you’re new here, subscribe (free or paid), like this post, share it with a friend or two, and leave a comment below while you’re at it. I’d love to hear from you.
NOTE: This is not what I had planned for my July newsletter, but I want these words to live outside of my head. I may still publish my original piece sometime next week.
You ever learn something that simultaneously knocks you down to your knees, yet makes you straighten up your spine all at once? Well, that happened to me today.
Today, I learned that the version of a story I received from someone was not in fact the full story. And I came into this knowledge all thanks to Instagram.
On the one hand, I’m glad that this information was revealed. Mainly because it helped sever the remaining emotional attachment I had to this person and knock the rose-colored glasses off my face.
But, on the other hand, I feel blindsided, bewildered, befuddled. This is not something I saw coming at all. Especially since the version of this story that was *JUST* shared with me apparently lacks important details that would have made me assess what happened VERY differently.
But, at the end of the day, the day gotta end, right? So today will end, and I will have the clarity that, to be honest, was a long time coming.
Maya Angelou famously said “when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” My own way of parroting this wisdom is by saying “I don’t trust what you say, I trust what you do.” So in this moment, instead of pedalstalling the fantasies I created, I’m going to humbly remind myself of what was actually done (or not done for that matter).
I’m sharing this experience with y’all 1) to get it off my chest—it was feeling a bit heavy, and 2) so that you are reminded to trust what is right in front of you. No more trusting things unsaid or undone. That’s over, that’s canceled.
I won’t be making a big fuss about anything—I’ve grown tired of fussing. More and more, I’ve become a “noted!” type of person. Especially if I’ve already opened up about how someone’s actions impacted me. Even with the apology I received, learning what I know now, devastates me a little bit, not going to lie. But, if someone can’t or won’t give me the whole story regarding a situation, that is between them and their higher power. My task is to recognize things for what they are and move accordingly.
And for the record, it’s not like this whole thing isn’t phasing me—it is. I’m disappointed (again!), but also feeling very much “it is what it is.” People gonna people. All I can do is control how I respond to learning this new information that doesn’t seem to jive with what was shared with me. And more importantly, I can continue to enforce my boundaries and put myself, my needs, and my feelings at the center of things.
The jig is up on granting folks wanton access to my mind, body, and spirit, and I love that for me!
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People be peopling! That's a reality of the world we live in. Once we understand this, then we can move forward with that knowledge and be unbothered by the "people".
Hi Qubilah, I feel your sorrow of a trust betrayed! Thanks for sharing your experience of facing the painful truth and what you are learning from it—including to trust yourself and your feelings instead of what people say.