5 lessons I'm bringing into 2025 (and think you should too)

My top five New Year's resolution ideas to help you evolve.

Photo by Photo by Polina Kovaleva, edited by author in Canva

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Let’s face it, 2024 was a doozy. Even still, I’m feeling like like 2025 is going to be one of my best years yet. I’ve grown. I’ve expanded how I think about things, which has then helped shift how I approach the hills and the valleys of life.

I’m serious about my growth and evolution and and more committed than ever to create a safe and soft space for Black women to feel empowered to live their lives according to their own terms. As I’ve written about before, this world demands too much from Black women. And because of this, prioritizing ourselves can feel like a radical act. We are expected to be great at everything, support others endlessly, and sacrifice our needs for the community.

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But it’s time to shift the narrative. Too many of us are overworked, under appreciated, and burned out. Here are five lessons I’ve learned about healthy boundaries, reclaiming energy, and joy—lessons I hope will inspire you to do the same in the new year and beyond.

1. Embrace the joy of missing out (JOMO)

Thanks to smart phones and social media, we are constantly “plugged in.” We know everything about everybody, everywhere. I don’t know about you, but the constant consumption of other people’s lives exhausts me. Further, the fear of missing out (FOMO) has so many of us in a chokehold. FOMO keeps us tethered to the idea that being everywhere, doing everything, and keeping tabs on strangers is the only way to stay relevant. But JOMO—the joy of missing out—offers us a different path.

Embracing JOMO means choosing peace over chaos. Choosing to limit the influence of other people on how you live your life or see yourself. It’s understanding that being more thoughtful about what you give your time and attention to isn’t selfish. JOMO creates space for you to rest, reflect, and focus on what truly matters to you. Choosing joy over the pressure to always plugged in is what Black women deserve.

Let us all carry Cookie’s energy into the new year.

2. “No” and “I don’t want to” are complete sentences

Earlier this year, I told a coworker that I didn’t want to do something (struggling to remember exactly what it was). He was adamant that me not wanting to wasn’t a good enough reason and continued to press me for an additional explanation. But I didn’t cave into his need to know why I didn’t want to do the thing he asked me about. I refused. I knew that me not wanting to was a good enough reason whether he thought it was or not. This was a new muscle I was flexing—not over-explaining my decisions or choices just to soften the blow. Too often, we feel pressured to cushion our boundaries with apologies or lengthy explanations. And while it may be helpful or even necessary in some situations to explain ourselves, the truth is that we do not owe anyone an explanation for opting out or saying no.

I invite you to get comfortable with the fact that “no” and “I don’t want to” are complete sentences. Doing so can help you reclaim your time and energy, giving you more space to focus on the things that truly fulfill you. Every time you say no to something that drains you, you’re saying yes to yourself. And that’s a powerful act of self-care.

No, nope, nah.

3. Having the courage to be disliked is a risk worth taking

Reading The Courage to Be Disliked: The Japanese Phenomenon That Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness this year was a game changer. The book calls us to ask ourselves “whose task is this?” as a means to free ourselves from believing that we must do certain things or behave in certain ways. This book helped me realize how much I have been focused on things that were not my tasks and how that contributed to my unhappiness. My job is to focus on what I can control and to worry less about how others may perceive my decisions.

Everybody does not have to agree with you or approve of your approach to life. Having the courage to be disliked empowers you to move through life according to our own terms. It gives you the push you need to set boundaries, speak your mind, and stand firm in your choices, even if others don’t agree. Embracing being disliked may feel too risky, but I promise you, the reward of living authentically is worth it.

Someone not liking your decision is just not your problem, sorry not sorry.

4. Community care is self-care

Contrary to popular belief self-care isn’t just about the things we do solo dolo. Being in community, especially with those who are soothing to our nervous systems, is a big part of self-care. The demands of my life feel a lot more manageable when I am intentional about leaning into collective care. And for what it’s worth, I find that I can create collective care in multiple areas of my life. I’m good for scheduling time with close friends, associates, even coworkers I’m cool with (this may be controversial for some but it works for me)—I know a Google calendar invite hates to see me coming! But this is how I create and sustain community care for myself.

It’s important that in seeking community care, your relationships and interactions are reciprocal. You can’t be the only one pouring into the relationships or scheduling meet-ups. Also, if you’re like me and you don’t live near your closest friends, I invite you to reimagine what community looks like for you. If I didn’t seek out community via some of the interests and hobbies I have, my community would be a lot smaller than it is. I would not have as many people to build with or lean on for support. There are so many different ways you can tap into different communities, so let’s make 2025 a year for more nourishing community care.

More hugs, more laughter, more love.

5. Getting enough sleep, drinking enough water, and daily novement are non-negotiable

You don’t need to follow another diet, take another supplement, or drink another juice in 2025. What you need to do is get sufficient sleep, drink enough water, and move your body daily. These are some of the most basic acts of care that we often overlook, but these practices form the foundation of a life where you can thrive, not just survive.

I don’t know about you but when I am well rested, hydrated, and have at least stretched for 10-15 minutes at some point of the day, I feel much better—physically, mentally, and emotionally. So, as for me and my household, these wellness practices are non-negotiable. Here’s some suggestions for how to do the same:

• Establish an evening routine

• Determine how much water you want to drink daily (e.g. I strive to drink at least 80oz)

• Incorporate some form of gentle movement you can commit to daily (e.g. I stretch for 10-15 minutes in the morning)

  

  Gentle movement is movement, sis.

Reclaiming your time, energy, and is necessary. These lessons—embracing JOMO, setting unapologetic boundaries, having the courage to be disliked, leaning into community care, and prioritizing your well-being—are tools that can help you live a life that centers your needs and dreams. You deserve rest, joy, and a life that feels good from the inside out. This is your reminder to claim it.

Abrazos y besos* for reading my work! It’s dope to know that people are interested in what I have to say. I am self-care and personal growth strategist who helps Black women who do too much, do less. I envision a world in which Black women trade in their superhero or magician capes for radical self-care, rest, and joy. I come in love and grace, and as always take what you need, leave what you don’t.

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* Means “hugs and kisses” in Spanish.

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